Love & Happiness

These past few months I have been searching for two things: Love and happiness.

Really you could say I've been looking for them a long time. But for some reason I could never ever find them. It was like a particularly frustrating game of hide and seek.

I'm a strong believer in the message that things happen for a reason. That out of chaos comes beauty. Out of hardship and adversity comes strength and courage.

So, I hadn't given up on finding these things. I had only started to work on things that had bothered me in my life. Things like my friendships and things like my schooling.

I think it is always around this time, with a new year once again blossoming on the horizon, that I look to what the future may hold for me.

Recently, I've met a wonderful guy on the internet. We haven't jumped into heavy flirting, we haven't talked dirty. It was simply a good old fashioned meeting of two strangers who would then begin to share nice long conversations.

This guy and I have many things in common and it's always a delight to talk to him. If this were the past, I would have jumped into this whole thing with a relationship in mind, right off the bat. Without even ever having met him. But this time, it was different. I've become a different person, because I wasn't desperate for things to be anymore than they were.

This has been a gift. How much I have learnt and grown in the past six months have been a blessing. Because I'm realizing what really matters in my life, and who really matters. I'm learning what I should be spending my time focusing on.

I don't need a man in my life to be worth something. I don't need a man in my life to know that I am a good person, or a beautiful person. Those are things I have to know inside of myself. Like knowing that I have the potential to be an amazing student, or knowing that my life has a lot in store for me.

Life seems to be just one big gorgeous prospect right now. And hey. It may not always be that way, and it may not always feel wonderful. I know that in the past it hasn't always felt that way. But if I can just take a little piece of this moment and keep it with me, then I'll be alright.

If I will just remember that I've made it this far and that things could always be worse, then I will be just fine. If I do my damndest and work my butt off, I can have anything that I strive for. Life is one big opportunity. And I'd be a fool not to take it.

There are still so many things I want to do and experience. Learn and accomplish.

So even if this guy and I don't work out, or even if I don't end up staying in Kansas, or if my best friend and I get in a fight...I will always have myself. I will always have the knowledge that this is not the end, if I don't want it to be. I can always work harder, and think bigger.

And as long as there's that to hold onto (along with my sense of humor.) then I can always bring Love & happiness into my life. No matter what.

This is a lesson I am beginning to learn.

And lord it is beautiful.

That's all.

Signed,

A Fabulous Gay Man,

Queen Trixie J.D. the First



(picture from: http://www.successinspired.com/wp-content/uploads/Happiness--Henry-David-Thoreau-Magnet-C11750605.jpg )