All the world's a blur.

I'm so apathetic these days. I just want to get out of (L) so badly.

All I ever do is go to school and I'm so sick of it. I'm sick of waking up to get to the bus and I'm sick of walking all over campus to get to my classes.

I'm sick of riding the bus and I'm sick of never eating lunch and I'm sick of just having enough money to get back home and be with my friends and mother only on the weekends.

I'm sick of staying in this freakin' apartment, and I'm sick of eating frozen pizza for dinner every dang night.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it all.

Minnesota is my out. And I have to wait for it. It was too perfect because I was going to leave this place and I was going to a different state entirely and I was going to do it all by January. Then I find out that I'm not leaving until the house in Westmorland is sold.

I'm not complaining about living there after I get out of (L) but I'm complaining because I have another 5 friggin months before that's a reality.

I love my sister, and I love that she's given me this opportunity to be here. I just hate the place is all.

It really isn't anyone's fault. I just don't want to be here anymore. I'm 18 years old for crying out loud, and I'm still being treated like I'm a child. That is mostly my fault. I don't say no to my mother or sister when they offer me their help. I ask for it often in fact.

But being in (L) has just put me in the worst place possible, emotionally. In Minnesota, I'm going to have a job and I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to join a writing group and take cooking classes.

I feel like I'm stuck here, waiting to live my life. And what if it's too late? What if something awful happens during the 5 months I'm stuck here, and I can't leave??

I want to go out on my own and make my own life. That's what all this is about. Instead, I'm living with my sister, whom I've known my whole life. In an apartment in a town that I hate. I'm going to school at a college where I'm not happy.

So yes, I'm apathetic. Yes I don't care about anything in (L). But it's because it's become a prison to me.

I will wait. As Melissa says, I'll pace my cage every morning and rattle my chains every night, I'll stare past the bars never knowing, with nothing left to put up a fight.

I will bide my time, and all the world will be a blur.

That's all.

Signed,

A Fabulous Gay Man

Queen Trixie J.D. The First