Gotta follow that dream...

So recently I've been thinking. I've been thinking about my life in L-Town and...how maybe I need to leave.

Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate this wonderful opportunity I've had, but...there are just so many things going through my head right now.

All college professors have to go through the same certification process, in order to be certified. Right? Right. So any college really would be the same, if you want to talk about it. And save me the outraged cries of "Not really" and "What about Harvard?"

I think that I've gotten all I can out of Lawrence for the time being. I feel a lot of things about my daily routine that just...I don't know.

From the get go, I've had trouble getting used to my surroudings. I'm a very introverted person, which means that I get exhausted by people. And all the traveling I have to do just so that I can do some more travelling on campus? Sooo not worth it.

You know college campuses gouge you. You do know that right? Like all the fees that they charge for parking, and food and dorms? That's how they make all of their money. If you were really just paying for an education and not all those extra things, then I bet the bill would be a lot cheaper.

Also, this small two bedroom, one bathroom apartment is just not going to cut it for three people. I'm sorry if that sounds spoiled or whatever, but I just need my space. The wall are paper thin, the food is scarce and the company can't really be called company.

I need to feel like I'm apart of this community. But look at jobs for instance. In a college town, it is logical to assume that the demand for jobs will far outweigh the supply of jobs. Which means that it's a competitive job market here. So when the time comes that I'm paying for everything on my own, how can I expect to be able to rely on the chance of getting a job here??

On top of which, I have no roommate prospects for next year, so that's going badly.

I really feel like there's so much more out there that would be better suited for me than to live in Lawrence and go to school in L-Town.

I'm young. I have nothing tying me down to this place. No lease, no job and my education for the semester will be over in a few months. Which means that I'm...free. And that's a good feeling. I have come up with a plan. I'm going to find a way to move back to Wichita, and then go to school there.

Then after spring semester, I'm going to move to Minnesota for a year and a half. My mother is going to be living there and she has agreed to house me as long as I'm working or going to school (and I'm going to be doing both). As for school, I'm going to try and get as much financial aid as possible along with the fact that I'll be working. I'm going to do online schooling. For me that makes so much more sense.

I won't have to do any traveling to campus, I won't have to wake up early to catch the bus, and the flexible schedule allows for a lot of time for homework and a real life. I have plans to get involved in the community. I want to join a gym and a writer's group. I want to take cooking lessons, or at least watch some Rachel Ray because cooking has always been an interest I would like to have learned about.

I have come to realize there are so many more opportunities for me out there in the world. Bigger than Kansas. Bigger than KU. Bigger than Lawrence. I feel trapped here. Don't ask me why but I just do.

Now that I am trying to take control of my own future and now that I am deciding where * I * want to go and not where my family wants me to go, then I'll start feeling like an adult. Maybe I'm being stupid about this. Maybe I have it better than I realize (and I realize that I do indeed have it good). But if I can make it better, and I have that chance...why would I not take it??

There are so many things I want to do in my future, and none of it can be accomplished here. I don't *want* any of it to be accomplished here. I need to feel like I'm making my own decisions. And hey, if it ends up being fucked up, well then I can't blame anybody but myself.

Now is the time. Now, when I'm young and when I've got nothing to lose. So I'm doing it. I'm setting out on the path to becoming my own person.

Wish me luck.

That's all.

Signed,

A Fabulous Gay Man,

Queen Trixie J.D. the first.